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"Ho, Ho, Ho!" -Santa Claus/Pimp, doing a head count.
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
Dear Santa, I was framed!
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
You`re exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs