Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.