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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
There are now 4 sides to every story. Yours, mine, the truth & the Internets version.
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
I really want to talk to you about how I don`t want to talk to you.
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.
I used to be so broke when homeless people saw me coming by they would hide their change cups.
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.