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This salad is delicious, probably because it`s a donut.
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
New College Admissions Test ______ not getting into this college: A. Your B. Ur C. You`re D. U`re
Ok, I admit. Everything that`s wrong in your life is your fault.
A leaf blower, but for people.
I hate when I oversleep at work and get home late.
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-