Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
It’s amazing how much more money I have when I’m drunk.
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
Got tasered at speed dating again.
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you`re not in shape, it`s too far to walk back.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
If I ever start a band, I`m going to call it The Voices in My Head. Think of all the fun ways you can tell other people what you`re listening to...
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles