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Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
Life lesson: you never have to feel ashamed of anything you buy as long as you buy a birthday card at the same time
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
Hey! Did any of you see my........ Oh ! Never mind... :D How much of you said that before? heee heee hee!
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
Waiter, bring me a bowl of turtle soup and make it snappy.
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."