Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.