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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
Saw some idiot put a water bottle where the Pringles go on the treadmill.
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren`t going to see me 7 more times before then.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light
Scientists are saying that social media is making us less accepting and more aggressive. Whatever, a$$holes!