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Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
I always try to behave but there are usually too many other options.
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
Well, Iām bored again. Time to open the fridge
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.
person 1: i can draw really well person 2: i`m really athletic person 3: i`m hilarious and likable person 4: i`m gorgeous me: i can breathe
Sometimes you just need to do something stupid while sober so that people will leave you alone about your drinking.