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I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
I`m starting to think the Hangover Fairy and the Angel of Death are the same person.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
I don`t know, guys. The whole "play dead when a bear attacks" thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with...
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
Whole Foods added a 10 items or less checkout line.... *as if anyone can afford to buy more than 10 items at a Whole Foods.
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
Just heard about this teacher who had sex with her student. Another reason I won`t send my dog to obedience school
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.