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Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.
Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Why is there a show called “When animals attack”? It should be called “When stupid people go near dangerous animals.”
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
Life`s short ... Drink fast
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow