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Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
How are poor people so good at finding money for tattoos?
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
Being able to read minds would be incredible...but constantly hearing about how sexy and great I am would probably get old.
BOOK FACT: If you took every book at Barnes and Noble and laid them end to end you get thrown out by security and banned from returning.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”