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Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
What’s the answer to this question?
If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(