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My favorite part of the day? The food part.
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.
Don`t waste my timeline.
All my friends are getting married and having kids or getting really good at video games.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
I`m about to eat gas station breakfast. Tell my family that I love them.
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.