Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
If someone doesn’t stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it’s totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
Plot twist: WebMD says you`re just thirsty
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors, and Hey, All of them got laid.
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
Why are you walking away when we`re in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! ... At least give me your number!
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.