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Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
After the expiration date on poison, is it more potent or less potent?
I feel pretty confident that if anyone ever steals my identity, they will inevitably improve my credit score…
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.