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Whatever I did to make you hate me, I’d like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Reminiscing isn’t as fun as it used to be.
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.
The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".