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Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
I would like to give thanks to the brave men and women who died a long time ago tasting which plants were edible and which plants were not.
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
I need to do laundry so bad I`m actually wearing Christmas stockings
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
After watching the "Schticky" ad, I am convinced now there are 8 wonders of the world.
I speak my mind because it hurts to bite my tongue.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…