Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
Well, one week smoke free, only 4 dead, 27 injured… not bad…
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.