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Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting`s titty, not ok. Apparently.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
People who get offended on the internet are the same people that take mini golf seriously.
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
Whenever I think of a funny status I always get a pen and write it down so I can use it later, and if the pen is too far away I just convince myself that it wasn’t that funny anyway.
So apparently RSVP-ing to a wedding invite with "Maybe next time" wasn`t the best response. Who knew?