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When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
Anything is legal when there`s no police around