Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
Whenever I check my weight, I always subtract 5 pounds. I don`t think that boobs and brains this fabulous should count against me.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
Do you ever get that feeling that you are being watched? Because if it is bothering you, I can stop.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
Why does the girl in the Wendy`s commercials have Ronald McDonalds hair?
Me: Where can I find the milk? Her: Sir, this is a library. Me: *whispers* Sorry, where can I find the milk?
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
If you ring my door bell you better be the pizza guy or a sexy naked lady ... with a pizza.
Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.