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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
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I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
Do the right thing today: Go to someone`s profile, scroll down 4 months, and like something.
If we’re not supposed to eat late, then why is there a light in the fridge?
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?