Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
Why can`t I get service in my own home, but the god damn Taliban can upload videos from a cave in Afghanistan!?
When I say "It’s a long story" It usually means I just don’t want to tell you it.
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
I always push when I should pull. I have doorlexia.
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.