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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
The perfect time for a snack is while you’re waiting for another snack to finish cooking.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
Shouldn`t we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It`s like we work there for a little while.
Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
Just think, there is an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"