Daily Silly Status

People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.

Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.

Humans pretend to be smart, but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we just developed x-ray vision.

I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.

I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.

How can it be considered stealing when the WiFi signal is trespassing in my house?

You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want

Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.

I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.

I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.

Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that

I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?

As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.

Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.

I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.