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Is it just me or when you turn off the computer by holding down the power button, it feels like Iām choking it to death.
You don`t see faith healers working in hospitals, just like you don`t see psychics winning the lottery every week.
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
Today I met one of those people on the bus that gets all pissed off when you put your finger in their mouth when they yawn.
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.