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is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
The scariest US president was Rushmore, because he had 4 heads
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
We all have that one person we forever regret giving our phone number to.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.