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As long as everything is exactly the way I want it. I am totally fleible.
"They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
Life is better when you can share it with a friend that has the same sick, twisted personality as yourself.
This is a private status. Please don`t tell anyone about it.
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
Remember when the world ended last year?
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!
Im still waiting for Anheuser-Bush to name a beer "responsibly" so i can drink it!
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.