Daily Silly Status

Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...

Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.

I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.

I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)

We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me

if your happy and you know it ---thank your ex

In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.

If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?

Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.

Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?

You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?

I`m smiling, that alone should scare you.

My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned. She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.

The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.