Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
Not to brag but my bank says I have an outstanding balance.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
When I say "Have a nice day." Remember the f*cker on the end is silent.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...