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No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
Hi, im _____ but you could call me sexy.
Me: Dad, going to the 50cents concert. Dad: Here`s a dollar, take your sister with you.
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?