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Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks Iām not reading it.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
Which one of you is Moderation? I keep getting told we need to drink together.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
A part of me wants to go on a diet and eat healthy. Sadly that part of me is a liar.
Please God cure my hangover and I promise I will never drink again, also please forgive me in advance for lying about never drinking again.
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.