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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34C
Sure, I was walking home from the bar drunk, but I wasn`t even stumbling. My guess is, the cops just had it in for naked people.
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
I`ll bet Amish people look forward to Thanksgiving since it`s the only time their clothes look festive.
I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
What does envelope 1 of 3 on my credit card bill mean?
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
Do athletic people not know about Netflix?