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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
Shout out to Pringles for never giving us a half can of air.
My friends are the type of friends that if my house was on fire, they would be over here with marshmallows and hitting on the hot fireman!
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
My bank lets me send a text message and it´ll text back with my balance. It´s a cool feature but I didn´t think the LOL was necessary.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.
I have a PHD (Pretty Huge d*ck)
I`m doing a charity gig tonight for people who struggle to achieve orgasm. Don`t worry if you can`t come
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.