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I solve my problems by blatantly ignoring them and going on the internet.
I think pet shops should give a free laser pointer with every Cat purchase.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
A comprehensive list of the things women have taught me: 1) I`m wrong.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.