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I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you`re having a velociraptor.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
What is it about being blind that makes people want to walk their dog all the time?
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.