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Relationship status: Don`t tell me to calm down! You called a stormtrooper a robot!
When you put ‘aspiring’ in front of your chosen profession. What I hear is: I’m unemployed.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
After I die, there are some people I’m going to haunt the sh!t out of.
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
I`m only gonna have one beer. At a time. Until all the beer is gone.
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
Noise canceling toilets should be a thing.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.