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Maybe teenagers just aren`t strong enough yet to remove the sticker from their hat
*Removes smoke detector battery *Cooks in silence
Enough with the lies, people who drink decaf coffee, tell us what your game plan is.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
The perfect time for a snack is while you’re waiting for another snack to finish cooking.
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
I would of read and liked your status if it wasn`t like 3 pages long.
The greatest fear is NOT fear itself. It’s dropping your phone in a port-a-potty!
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
I`m going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.