Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
This Pokemon Go crap is getting ridiculous. I just saw a fight breakout between the pokebloods and the pokecrips.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It`s not like a murderer will come in thinking "I`m gonna ki..- ahh damn! He`s under a blanket
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
Velcro, what a rip-off!
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
Some days are better than others. And those days always involve alcohol.
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.