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We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
Some will forget, the others are simply women.
Great. Trapped in an elevator with a dead body again. Well not exactly dead yet but he`s making noises with his gum
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I`m OK, but I feel like I`ve dyed a little inside.
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
Let’s be the generation that stops putting things in our butts and having to go to the emergency room to get them taken out, shall we?
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.