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What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
I get my cardio from caffeine...
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
A man is as faithful as his options
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`