Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
Who knew rock bottom was so crowded?
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
I`m old enough to remember being the tv remote.
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...