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My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I`m roofing.
Does it count as saving someone`s life if you just refrain from killing them?
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
It`s always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s the best time to do it.
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now