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If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
All women are crazy. But, if you pretend to listen to them when they talk, they will let you live.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
A leaf blower, but for people.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing aggravates them so much. But if you really want to piss them off tell them you will pray for their souls.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
Not many people can say their Batman wallet matches their underwear like I can.
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave