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If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
My doctor says each piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life... If my math is right, I should`ve died in 1781...
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
Relationships are like yard sales. They look good from a distance, but once you get there it`s just a bunch of sh!t you don`t really need.
I found the "one" today! Surprisingly, It`s been on my keyboard all the time.
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.