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My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
Lightning bugs use their blinkers more than most drivers.
I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
Note to Self: In future interviews, don`t say "Safe in your strong arms" when the employer asks where I see myself in 5 years.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
Its so hot I used my blow dryer as a cooling fan!
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.