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All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
Boss: "Thanks for the coffee. You know what`d go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a donu...Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
The right man breaks your headboard, not your heart.
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
To all those that now have a DUI, domestic violence charge or one less finger... Happy 5th of July
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."