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You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
Sorry I cut you off mid-sentence so I could sprint after an ice cream truck.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
An ex asking to stay friends after you break up is like a kidnapper asking to stay in touch after they let you go.
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t`s totally different.
Keep up the good work, people who make free porn available.
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?