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This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.
What if cell phones are part of an elaborate plot to rid the world of phone booths so Superman has nowhere to change?
It`s fun to leave a note on the windshield of an expensive car saying sorry I smashed it, but I fixed it so well that you can`t tell.
I love secretly placing a deck of cards on top of someones ceiling fan.
If money can`t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
A child`s purpose is to help their parents relearn the states and capitals.
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.