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If you see me smiling it`s because I`m thinking of doing something evil or naughty ... If you see me laughing it`s because I`ve already done it
The pollen levels are so high this year that it has the crackheads trying to convert their meth back into Sudafed...
Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
The only dates I get are updates.
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
I fake my LOLs
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Damn you auto correct mind your business.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?