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I am sorry I had feelings. I`ll replace them with jokes right away.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
Sometimes I feel that I need someone special to complete me, but then I have a pizza and I`m like, "Nope. I`m good."
Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullshit I’ll put up with before I catch on.
Well, all I have to say is TGIF. (Post this on any day but Friday to get comments)
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
I think I may have misunderstood my boss yesterday when she told me that she wanted to see me hard at work