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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
When a woman says "what?" its not because she didn`t hear you. She`s giving you a chance to change what you just said.
I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn`t really listening.
The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.
I’m glad I’m me, I don’t think anybody else could take it.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor`s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride