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It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
Insert coin to view my status message.
Just came to the realization that with their ridiculous fees, I`m tipping my ATM more than my bartender.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
Your girl always on her knees. What she forgot she had feet?
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
Some of the best memories I have are of times right before the cops showed up.
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.