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If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
One man`s sarcastic answer, is another man`s stupid question
I lent my girlfriend ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now she left me and I don’t know what she looks like.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
I burn bridges to keep those crazy bastards from following me.
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
My life is loosely based on a true story.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
Gardening is awesome because it is one of the only ways a normal person can be persuaded into buying actual bags of poop.