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A friend doesn`t question your motive, they just keep their mouth shut and dig.
How is it possible that we have one hand that can do everything while the other hand is all, “I can’t even hold a pencil”?
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
Not to brag, but I can spend hours coming up with reasons not to do something that takes 5 minutes.
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
*Food hits floor* Little Germs: “Let’s get it!”King Germ: “No, we must wait 5 seconds!”
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.