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Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
Let me drink about it and get back to you.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
Dating Tip: If she hasn`t kissed you by the third date, she`s there for the food.
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
I noticed tonight that I was the hottest cashier at the self checkout line.
thinks it would be great if we really burped bubbles when we were drunk .. just like in cartoons.
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."