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I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
“I don’t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others’ lives sounds fun!” – How I got out of jury duty
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
Depresso; the feeling you get when you’ve run out of coffee.
My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
I guess if you spoke your mind, you´d be speechless, huh?