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My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching. -Bfanch
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
It`s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
Kids today will never appreciate how difficult it used to be finding pictures of naked people.
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!