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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
Let me be honest, I dont even walk a mile in my own shoes.
Good Morning: You, my friends are the reason I wake up every morning ? LOL JK, I have to pee.
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
Women who tell me I have commitment issues have never seen me with a large pizza.
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
Honk if you wanna see the finger
I dream about naps.
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.