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If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
Never assume coz u wil make an "ass" out of "u" and "me"
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
The older I get .... The more dangerous it is to sneeze
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Save some time and just put your Taco Bell directly in the toilet.
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.