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So many rules; so little time to break them.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
I`m not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
A snail can sleep for up to 3 years. I didn`t know it was even possible to be this jealous.
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
I bet wrecking ball operators are some of the happiest people in the world.
I bought powdered water but I don`t know what to add to it.
My wife treats me like a God…She takes very little notice of my existence until she wants something.
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.