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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
I only accept apologies in cash.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
Coffee eyedrops! Another million dollar idea.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.