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Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
They should put Prince on the $20 bill and call it $19.99... It`s "The bill formerly known as a twenty."
If the NSA and IRS teamed up, I wouldn’t have to do my taxes.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"