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Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often