Daily Silly Status

When I hear a person say "My Mom didn`t raise no dummy", I feel like saying "She lied to you"

We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.

Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.

Guys if a woman shaves hers legs she wants you to touch them..... You just have to make sure she knows You.

Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.

The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.

I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?

Most people don’t act stupid – it’s the real thing.

Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.

Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls

My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.

When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.

Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.

I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m