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School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
To a cop, doing donuts in a parking lot has a whole different meaning.
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
I`ve decided to start taking more supplements: calcium pills for my bones, ginkgo pills for my memory, milk thistle for my liver, ginkgo pills for my memory...
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the b!tch they claim I am.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!