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Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
Women are fascinated by mythical creatures like unicorns, vampires, and men who are good listeners.
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
Boy it`s nice out today... or at least that`s what it says on my computer.
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
I`m sorry if I come across as crude, outspoken, and opinionated. That`s only because I am crude, outspoken, and opinionated.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.