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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
I tried being modest once, as expected I was amazing at it.
I don`t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we`re both pointing at the same tornado.
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone