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is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
The best thing about falling down when you`re home alone is that you can just lie on the floor and take a nap.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
Sometimes I wish I could officially change "Hump Day" into "Smack-A-Dumb-Bitch-In-The-Face" Day.
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
I hope this coffee gives me the energy to look busy all day.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.