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Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
Note to future self: Tequila is a liar. You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?