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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
Ladies, Admit it. Sometimes you look down at your own boobs and think "Wow, these are Awesome!"
I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.
Feeling pretty good about myself today so I`m going to go meet up with an ex-girlfriend to bring me back down to normal
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because it happened. -Me, to my empty pizza box
I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.