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One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`. I`ll definitely turn around and look.
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
Make fun of George Bush all you want, but he would have found a way to bomb North Korea before they shut down Hollywood.
The kids left w/my parents for a week. I plan to run around the house for an hour yelling "woo hoo", but after that my schedule is wide open
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
If I was gonna make a bomb, I`d use the same color wire for the whole thing.
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly