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My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
The future is much like the present, only longer.
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
Always be yourself, unless you suck…and if you suck you should try being more like me.
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
Last person to like this wins a prize.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg and some days you`re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted